The Fine Line: “Do What You Want”

“You’re getting wrinkled.”

“It’s not that hot,” I coughed through the steam.

“You’re getting drunk.”

“It’s rosé. I’m pretty sure you can only get tipsy on the pink stuff,” I laughed. Still, I decided he was right. It was time to get out of the bath. At 31 years old, this newlywed was already a little too wrinkled for her liking.

Hubby handed me a towel. Before he even got a word out–typical, really–I looked up at him and asked him one more time:

“Do you really think I should do it? I’m gonna do it. Should I do it?”

“Do what you want.” He smiled at me, then walked into the other room.

“What are you doing? Hey!” I hated when he did this. Leaving decisions up to me was a very bad idea. And yet, he did it all the time. His philosophy is, so long as no one gets hurt, I’m a grown woman, it’s really all up to me. Once, I e-mailed him from the 27-floor building where I worked, saying I hated all the bureaucracy, hated the tediousness of the work, and wanted to quit. Could we afford it?

He typed back: “Do what you want. Do what makes you happy. Do whatever doesn’t involve jumping out the window of a high-rise building.”

I finished getting dressed, wrapping the towel around my head like a turban. As I walked out of the bathroom, I found Bill standing at the kitchen counter, pouring me another glass of wine.

“Here you go,” he smirked, handing it to me.

“What’s this for?”

“Liquid courage.”

“See! I knew you knew I was gonna do it.”

“Of course you’re gonna do it. You’re showing off how good you are at finding phone numbers on the Internet. Show-off.”

“Do you think I’m crazy? I mean, it’s probably not even his phone number.”

“I’ve always thought you’re crazy. This just makes you crazier.”

I didn’t even stop to stick my tongue out at him. I took a quick swig of the wine, picked up the phone, and started dialing.

One ring. No one was going to answer. Come on. It was his home phone number in New York. How the hell did that end up on the Internet? Two rings. Did this mean I was a stalker? It just popped up on my screen! It’s not like I’d even been looking for it! Three rings. Someone was answering. Holy hell, someone was answering!


“Um, Mr. Sitcom Actor?”

“Yes. This is Mr. Sitcom Actor.”

“Wow, I didn’t think you’d answer. I’m Heather. In Montreal.”

“Hello, Heather in Montreal.”

“I, er, um, I just wanted to call and tell you how much I’ve loved your work in movies and television. I’ve watched it all.”

“Hey, that’s really nice. I’m about to go to dinner with my girlfriend and my Mom…”

“No, no, I’m married, Mr. Sitcom Actor. He’s right here, actually. I’m just outgoing like this. I just felt like you might need a pick-me-up. I had this gut instinct that I should call. It must sound crazy.”

“No strings attached? Really? Wow, that’s really sweet. I’ll tell my Mom!”

“Cool. Have a good dinner.”

“I will, Heather in Montreal. Thanks so much for the call.”

I hung up the phone, turned to hubby, and performed a jiggly-jumping-up-and-down-quick-spin-around-“Oh Yeah! I did it! Oh Yeah!” ritual that I would come to refer to as my Heather Dance.

“Ha! He answered! And he was touched!”

“Or maybe you’re touched.”

I laughed and clicked my wine glass with his.

And that was how it all began.

So, as you can see, clearly, it’s all my husband’s fault.

Prologue: The Fine Line (between persistence and stalking)

Read the next chapter here:
The Fine Line: Emails from L.A.

14 responses to “The Fine Line: “Do What You Want””

  1. you are deliciously bubbly and crazy LIKE wine and I love you…

    1. Aw. I needed to hear that this morning. Thanks with all my heart.

  2. […] 1) a-The Fine Line: “Do What You Want” […]

  3. […] Prologue: The Fine Line (between persistence and stalking) […]

  4. This story is priceless!!! I love it & you Lady Heather…you’re the bestest of the bestest!
    I know it’s not a word but I just had to say it. LoL 🙂

    Ieneke x

    1. Now, this is strange. I just walked into my office, saw my beautiful “Hope” painting, and wondered how you were doing. Seconds later, you’re telling me I’m the bestest. Awesome. I’m now going to wonder how Hugh Jackman is doing ;D

      Thanks for reading and commenting–if you subscribe to my blog you’ll be posted about when new parts in the series come out. I wasn’t sure if people wanted to read more of my adventures in screenwriting, but I guess with this reaction, I should keep on going.

      Thanks again.

      PS Also, I’ve been waiting for my counter to turn from 40,999, and from the looks of it, you were my 41,000st visitor! Thank YOU!

      1. Oh no no no no no no don’t you dare stop writing on these adventures!!! If you do I will hold my breath until I see your words dance flawlessly across my screen. Seriously Heather, I don’t know how long I can do it 🙂

        I hope that HOPE will always remind you that you are on the right track; the one that is specifically designed for you. And that life can be as bright as you want, full of possibilities that are endless!

        41,000 – I did not realize this but I feel like I did something good today now!

        Yes, KEEP GOING! YOU are welcome x

  5. Ha! I’m right 🙂

  6. I’m taking a punt that Mr Sitcom Actor used to play tennis and has worked with my objet d’lust a couple of times.

    1. I’ll never say. 😉

  7. Hi Heather,
    Your hubby sounds just like mine, my *Mr Locoman, always knows what I’m going to do but would never make the decision for me, it works perfectly.
    I am very curious to knowing who this Mr. Sitcom Actor is…I’m a right nosey Parker.
    Oh yes…..giggle. I just love your Heather dance it sounds just like mine.
    I call mine my happy dance. I just can’t help doing it when I get excited.
    I’m so childish really. But I’m happy with it.
    Love and hugs
    Lisa. xx 🙂

  8. […] About heather grace stewart Heather Grace Stewart is the author of two poetry collections, 'Leap,' and 'Where the Butterflies Go,' and two non-fiction books for youth. A member of the Professional Writers Association of Canada andthe League of Canadian Poets, she lives with her family in Montreal, Canada. View all posts by heather grace stewart This entry was posted on Monday, November 8th, 2010 at 11:33 am and tagged with agents, breaking in, Hollywood, optioning, screenwriting, scripts, Writing and posted in Humor, I'm Probably Crazy, Screenwriting: Breaking In, Taking Chances, The Fine Line (between persistence and stalking), Writing. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. « Obama swats a fly The Fine Line: “Do What You Want” » […]

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