Top 10 Awkward Moments At My Bookstore Signing

Yesterday was a fantastic day, meeting & greeting loyal and new readers of Strangely, Incredibly Good & Remarkably Great.

However, if you think being an author is all glam and perks like sipping free lattes while you sign your books, I have proof of the exact opposite right here in my Top 10 Awkward Moments At My Bookstore Signing List:

10 Heard in one of the busiest bookstores in North America (Chapters Indigo Pointe Claire Quebec)
Me: Are you here for a particular book or could I interest you in mine?

Several customers: Nope. I’m not much of a reader.

9 There were gorgeous, soft, faux fur mittens being sold behind me. People were trying them on all day behind me, and even asking me what I thought. Authors, beware: you’ll spend three years sweating over creating your book series, and end up selling mittens at a high-traffic bookstore.

8 “OMG! It’s Heather Grace Stewart!” My friend screamed this every time she re-entered the store, which she did several times, and ran up to me, arms waving madly in the air. People stopped and stared. I do think it sold a few books, though.

7 My table was decorated in a read-your-book-in-the-bath theme. To the kid who ate my soap: You owe me $2.50.

6 To the guy who took my photo-business-card and then told his buddy, right in front of me, “I’m going to *use* this later tonight.” Ew. Just, ew. I told you to “Just go,” and pointed you to the door, but I wish I’d thrown hardcover books at you. Or my latte down your pants.

5 Facebook Mentions has an option to try Live Video. Facebook, you should call it Can’t Get A Complete Sentence Out Video Because The Connection Is Too Weak. Neat that 2,000 people liked me saying next to nothing while riding an escalator.

4 No, I don’t know where the washrooms are! Well, I do, but I’m sick of telling people because I DON’T WORK HERE!

3 Heard while a line-up formed late afternoon for me to sign box-sets:

Lady at back of line: Is she famous?

Other lady in line: She’s locally famous.

Me: Huh. So now I’m locally famous. Like cheese. Or a small deli. I’m right up there with cheese and smoked meat.

2 I sold out! I sold out! 33 books in three hours! I sold out!

Except, someone who assured me they wanted a signed box set left it unsigned, in Starbucks. Okay, I *almost* sold out.

1 Two female fans licked my face for a photo opp with me.

Yes. Licked. My. Face. Okay, they happen to be wonderful friends as well as fans, so maybe it wasn’t as creepy as it sounds.

Just plain weird.

If this is what being “locally famous” is going to bring, I’m not sure I’m up for it…but I do love cheese. Mmm, cheese.

Heather 🙂


12 responses to “Top 10 Awkward Moments At My Bookstore Signing”

  1. Reblogged this on Heather Grace Stewart and commented:

    A good chuckle. Writers, don’t lose heart. Some people aren’t just there for the coffee.

  2. Love this! Katie and I laughed out loud last night – so funny. ☺

  3. Marvellous Heath, this is funny, the joys of being a local celeb 🙂

  4. Heather, this cracked me up–as you often do. I don’t remember all of this neat stuff happening at the Kingston store, but we had fun, and your reading was so dramatic that it did attract some listeners and applause! Never mind–we had fun!
    You continue to inspire me with your writing, and your marketing! I’m quite enjoying “Remarkably, Great!”

    1. I love to inspire, Christine. Happy I make you laugh, too. Thanks for dropping by!

  5. Your post has made me laugh! Glad it went so weirdly well……and you’re not totally “locally” famous….lots of my friends over here in England will have heard of you by now 🙂

    1. Hi Angela!
      It’s been a surprise to me how well my books are doing in the UK – almost as well as Canada, and some months, much better! You’ve been a help spreading the word so thank you.
      Maybe I should move there – my roots are there you know. And I hear you have delicious cheese! 😉

  6. You crack me up. Being an author isn’t all glamour and lattes – it’s hard work, sweat, blood, tears (lots & lots & lots of tears), and laughter – but mostly, it’s about the words and the worlds you build – and you build wonderful worlds of words. 🙂

    I wish I lived closer so I could have been there.

    1. you were there in spirit my friend, coaching me on, reminding me to approach people and above all, to have fun with it all 🙂
      Thanks so much for all your support.

  7. Ha ha ha! Awesome post! I really wish I could have been there, even just to be another friend screaming out “OMG it’s Heather Grace Stewart!!” for all to hear!

    1. Or to throw a latte in Pervert Dude’s face?

  8. I can’t imagine how awesome it would be to tell people where the bathrooms were and help sell mittens!

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