Yesterday was a fantastic day, meeting & greeting loyal and new readers of Strangely, Incredibly Good & Remarkably Great.
However, if you think being an author is all glam and perks like sipping free lattes while you sign your books, I have proof of the exact opposite right here in my Top 10 Awkward Moments At My Bookstore Signing List:
10 Heard in one of the busiest bookstores in North America (Chapters Indigo Pointe Claire Quebec)
Me: Are you here for a particular book or could I interest you in mine?
Several customers: Nope. I’m not much of a reader.
9 There were gorgeous, soft, faux fur mittens being sold behind me. People were trying them on all day behind me, and even asking me what I thought. Authors, beware: you’ll spend three years sweating over creating your book series, and end up selling mittens at a high-traffic bookstore.
8 “OMG! It’s Heather Grace Stewart!” My friend screamed this every time she re-entered the store, which she did several times, and ran up to me, arms waving madly in the air. People stopped and stared. I do think it sold a few books, though.
7 My table was decorated in a read-your-book-in-the-bath theme. To the kid who ate my soap: You owe me $2.50.
6 To the guy who took my photo-business-card and then told his buddy, right in front of me, “I’m going to *use* this later tonight.” Ew. Just, ew. I told you to “Just go,” and pointed you to the door, but I wish I’d thrown hardcover books at you. Or my latte down your pants.
5 Facebook Mentions has an option to try Live Video. Facebook, you should call it Can’t Get A Complete Sentence Out Video Because The Connection Is Too Weak. Neat that 2,000 people liked me saying next to nothing while riding an escalator.
4 No, I don’t know where the washrooms are! Well, I do, but I’m sick of telling people because I DON’T WORK HERE!
3 Heard while a line-up formed late afternoon for me to sign box-sets:
Lady at back of line: Is she famous?
Other lady in line: She’s locally famous.
Me: Huh. So now I’m locally famous. Like cheese. Or a small deli. I’m right up there with cheese and smoked meat.
2 I sold out! I sold out! 33 books in three hours! I sold out!
Except, someone who assured me they wanted a signed box set left it unsigned, in Starbucks. Okay, I *almost* sold out.
1 Two female fans licked my face for a photo opp with me.
Yes. Licked. My. Face. Okay, they happen to be wonderful friends as well as fans, so maybe it wasn’t as creepy as it sounds.
Just plain weird.
If this is what being “locally famous” is going to bring, I’m not sure I’m up for it…but I do love cheese. Mmm, cheese.